by Samantha Husted 

Since moving to Charlotte six years ago, I’ve found myself working part-time at various restaurants across the city. As a freelance writer, my line of work often forces me to pick up random side gigs. Despite the grueling hours, the demanding customers, and the occasional egotistical chef, I actually find the restaurant industry fascinating.

Working in the restaurant industry is like a study in human behavior. It sometimes seems that as soon as people walk into a restaurant or bar, they forget how to be good human beings. Throughout my time as a hostess, server, and bartender, I’ve noticed that no matter the style of a restaurant — whether fine dining, fast-casual, or somewhere in between — one thing remains consistent: the people.

It doesn’t take much to be a dream customer. Here’s a look at the dos and don’ts of how to act when dining in at a restaurant from an industry perspective. These tips will not only make your server or bartender appreciate you as a guest, but will probably lead to better service in the future. 

My biggest words of advice are: just be nice. It’s easy.

Restaurant guest dos:

Pay attention when you’re greeted. It’s uncomfortable when you walk up to a table just to be completely ignored by the guests — or have a drink ordered barked at you before you’ve had a chance to fully introduce yourself. 

Exercise patience. Life is all about patience. Sometimes the kitchen is backed up or the bar is slammed and that is beyond your server’s control. Guests who show understanding are top tier. 

Ask for what you need all at once. When I’m busy, nothing slows me down more than a table that orders one item at a time. I’m not talking about appetizers, dinner, and dessert, rather a table who asks for a side of ranch, then extra bread, then hot sauce, then more napkins, then a refill. A table like this will run me to death. To make things smoother, try to ask for everything you need while your server is there.

Be communicative. As a server, I genuinely want you to have a good experience. If something came out wrong, or you don’t like something, I am more than happy to fix it for you. You can be pleasant while providing constructive feedback or expressing when something doesn’t meet your expectations. And please, don’t wait for the bill to arrive to tell me something wasn’t right. I promise, most of the time, it can be fixed! 

Read the menu. Sometimes guests will simply refuse to look at the menu, which is perplexing. I’m more than happy to walk you through it, but it’s helpful if you read it as well. Think of the menu as a guide to the restaurant — I’m happy to provide recommendations once you’ve had a chance to look.

Treat your server or bartender like a human. I’ll say it again — kindness goes a long way. Nice guests are like a beacon of hope during crazy shifts; they can turn my whole night around and restore my faith in humanity. When possible, I try to hook it up for them, too, if there’s an extra dessert or drink that’s available. But if you’ve been condescending all night, demanding instead of asking politely, or shaking your empty water glass at me, I will be counting the seconds until you leave.

Restaurant guest don’ts: 

Complicate split checks. This is a controversial topic that isn’t strictly a “don’t.” Let me explain. Most servers operate using seat numbers. When you sit down in a chair at a restaurant, not only does your table have an assigned number, but so does your seat. Generally speaking, I don’t mind splitting checks. What becomes difficult is when a large party decides to play musical chairs, making it almost impossible to keep track of who’s who and who ate what. Or when they want to divide all of the 15 appetizers they ordered 20 different ways. If you can’t do one check with a group, divide the bill evenly. Your server will thank you.

Fight over the bill. I despise standing there uncomfortably as two parties argue over who is going to pay, especially when they drag me into it. I don’t want to choose! If you want to pay, be assertive and grab the check first, or discreetly hand me your card at the start of service.

Grab drinks off of a tray. Never, ever grab drinks off of your server’s tray. It upsets the balance and can cause the whole thing to come crashing down. 

Ignore your server. It’s frustrating when to approach a table and the guests simply won’t stop talking so I can take their orders. Or when I’m holding three hot plates and people won’t move out of the way for me to set them down. It’s not much, but being cognizant of my presence is the start to making me appreciate you as a table. 

Make assumptions about open tables. While the dining room may look like it has plenty of open tables, sometimes the restaurant is short-staffed. Sure, we could seat you there, but there’s no server assigned to that section. But, more often than not, those tables are being held for reservations.

Stack plates. This may be a hot take, but I personally don’t like when guests stack their dirty plates. I have a specific way I like to organize and clear a table, and sometimes guests do a bad job at stacking (sorry), making the dirty dishes more difficult to carry. I’m happy to take care of your plates.

The absolutely nots: 

These are the cardinal sins of restaurant etiquette.

Don’t camp out. For servers, turning tables is the name of the game. I’m not saying you need to rush through dinner — take your time and enjoy it. If you’ve been sitting for over three hours and haven’t ordered anything in a while, however, it’s time give up the table. 

Don’t relentlessly hit on your server or bartender. I think sometimes people get confused between friendly service and flirting. If you feel inclined, just write your number on the receipt — no pressure, and no expectations.

Don’t snap to get attention. It’s rude. Just be patient — I’m coming.

Don’t lie on your reservation. Some guests will try to bypass restaurant rules or reservation limits by booking a reservation for four, only to show up with a group of eight, expecting accommodation. Or they’ll make multiple reservations for smaller groups and assume tables can be combined when they show up. While every restaurant is different, it’s best to avoid this practice. It’s not that easy for restaurants to adjust your table size. If you have questions, I suggest calling ahead. While the restaurant can’t always accommodate you, they’ll try to make it work.

Don’t touch your server. Most of the time, this is a non-issue. But, every once in a while, a table will grab my arm, put their hand on my waist, or just be up in my business in ways that I don’t really appreciate. Please keep your hands to yourself.

Don’t take “the customer is always right” too far. Guests will come into a restaurant and assume that the staff is there to bend to their every whim. We’re not. While we try our best to accommodate, sometimes it’s just not possible. Understand that we’re trying. But we’re human, just like you. Please treat us as such.

Don’t come in 10 minutes to close. That heart-sinking feeling when a party of six walks in 10-minutes to close is universal amongst restaurant industry workers. When this happens the whole staff, front of house and back of house, will let out a communal groan. Often, these are the people who promise they’ll only stay for one drink and dessert but end up lingering for two hours. Don’t be those people.