When Lesa Kastanas saw the review of the restaurant she and her husband own, Soul Gastrolounge, she couldn’t let it go ignored.

“I was greeted by a very cold and unwelcoming hostess (11/19 at 5:45pm) who made me feel uncomfortable and chastised me for not having a reservation for a party of 1,” the review read. “No smile, just rude and acted like she hates life. I won’t be trying this place at all.”

“She didn’t smile?” Kastanas says. “She had a mask on. How did you even know she didn’t smile? There’s just so many things that just got me, and it really got to me that day. I think I just hit a wall.”

Kastanas says this is part of a pattern she and her colleagues have been noticing since restaurants were allowed to reopen this summer following a state-wide restaurant shutdown. Restaurants are stuck enforcing rules not set by them, and not welcome by many, including mask mandates and longer waits due to social distancing between tables. Because of the pandemic, expectations are higher and tempers are shorter —and restaurant staffers are taking the brunt of diners’ frustrations. 

“Some people are just doubling down on their expectations of what dining out is going to be right now,” Kastanas says.  “I sort of feel like there are some people who feel like this experience for me should be pandemic-free.”

William Dissen, the owner of Haymaker in Uptown, has also noticed a distinct change in how customers are treating staff. He says he’s had to kick more people out of his restaurant during the months following the shutdown than he has the rest of his restaurant career.

“People are unfortunately not being the kind souls that you would anticipate to have compassion and caring during a global pandemic,” Dissen says. “A lot of people coming out to dine have been really just showing a lot of their ugly sides.”

He recalls one instance where a couple made a reservation for a high top in the bar area, but one member of the party didn’t like the table. With tables booked at 50 percent capacity, there were no other seating options for the couple. When the server forgot to bring their salad out ahead of their entrées, the situation escalated. A manager tried to remedy the mistake, and was met with fury, f-bombs, and claims that the restaurant would be closing permanently soon.
After they were asked to leave — and staff threatened to call the police if they didn’t — the rest of the dining room clapped as the couple walked out.

Hospitality is, by definition, “the friendly and generous reception and entertainment of guests.” As the pandemic drags on, however, restaurant owners are finding that the friendliness is becoming one-sided.

“You’d think that every man and woman that came out to eat would be a little more considerate and have a little more empathy to the human situation right now,” Dissen says. “And frankly, I’m not sure why people are the opposite. It’s been really perplexing and really kind of sad, to tell you the truth.”

Kastanas says she has noticed other businesses starting to respond to reviews that seem especially nasty, given the circumstances restaurants are operating under. One possibility she attributes it to is pandemic fatigue and guests who feel like they don’t have control of what’s happening around them. 

“It was funny to me that somebody would actually want to take down a restaurant — not that I think this person could take it down — but it’s just amazing to me that somebody would do that in this time, and people are doing it right and left,” she says. “So I guess it’s a sense of like, ‘I don’t have power anywhere else, but I can flex this.'”

Her response to the review — which she says broke her cardinal rule of not responding to bad reviews publicly — concluded with this: “Everyone is going through difficult times in many unusual ways in 2020. If extending grace to workers in one of our country’s hardest hit industries right now is not something you’re willing or able to provide, we’ll just say “best of luck”. We’re smiling, you just can’t see it behind our masks. Welcome to Charlotte.”

Though both Dissen and Kastanas note there was and remains generosity and thoughtfulness among loyal regulars, they’re seeing more guests that are impossible to please. Rude customer behavior during the pandemic, it seems, is forcing the hospitality industry to rethink the mantra “the customer is always right.”

“People need to know that because we work in a restaurant, we aren’t your servants,” Dissen says. “We’re here to have a career and make this a professional place to work in and make money. And I think people need to realize that, too.”

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